it. During play, new rules can be added
to the list at any time.
Suggesting rules is a great opportunity
for a child who is a follower to give their
thoughts without having to go along with
what another child says. It also gives a
leader the opportunity to learn to give
someone else the lead. Each child gets
to experience the role of the follower and
the leader.
3
Communication – respecting
each other
It is important for children to learn about
respect, being kind, thoughtful and polite
to one another. By using the rules as
guidelines, the children are already on
the right path to respecting each other.
When each child is respected this can
have a positive influence on the group.
You can guide children in using
appropriate communication towards
each other by being a role model for
appropriate language and action
yourself. During play, encourage the
children to use the following phrases
to reduce conflict and encourage
successful communication:
An example of appropriate
communication:
Child 1:
“Please can I borrow that
pencil?”
Child 2:
“I am using the pencil, but you
can have it once I’m finished.”
Child 1:
“Okay, thank you.”
Child 2:
“Here you go… thank you for
waiting.”
Child 1:
“Thank you for the pencil.”
4
Sharing and deciding
Giving each child the power to
decide and share amongst themselves
with little guidance can do wonders
to the dynamics of the group. You’ll be
amazed at how quickly your children
will be working together cooperatively.
You can guide the children by giving
a little bit of direction when it comes to
equal sharing. For example, you can
place modelling clay on the table in one
big pile, and then guide each child to
communicate between themselves and
decide what is equal when sharing and
playing with the clay.
An example of sharing and deciding
with your guidance:
Parent:
“There is clay in the middle of
the table, can you each take an
amount that you feel is equal?”
Child 1:
“He’s got more than me.”
Parent:
[directed at child 2] “Do you think
that the amount of clay you have
is the same as [child 1]?”
Child 2:
“I have more. I want it all.”
Parent:
[directed at child 2] “Why don’t
you ask [child 1] if she is okay with
the amount that she has and the
amount of clay that you have?”
Child 2:
[directed at child 1] “Do you
have enough clay? Is this fair?”
Child 1:
[directed at child 2] “I would like
some more because my clay is
too small.”
Parent:
“Remember, we can start to play
when both of you decide on the
amount of clay that is fair and
that you both agree.”
Child 2:
[directed at child 1] “Here you
go… is that enough?”
Child 1:
[directed at child 2] “Yes, this is
enough.”
Parent:
“Have you both decided that you
each have the same amount of
clay? Do you both agree?”
Child 1 & 2:
“Yes.”
Parent:
“Now you can both play.
Remember the rules and
remember to be polite to each
other.”
5
Conflicts
Conflicts are normal and may arise
when children are working together.
For example, a child who is typically
a follower may start to enjoy being
the leader and feel more confident to
express his or her wants and desires.
This is an objective of playing equally
together but it can cause conflict within
the play. The habitual leader can show
signs of wanting to take control, seeking
leadership. Boundaries can be tested
and arguments can occur. Both children
may be seeking control by pushing
boundaries and seeking leadership.
Keep your focus on the goal, which
is “working together” rather than each
child’s individual needs. It is easy to
divert your attention from the goal to
the individual needs of each child, so
it’s really important to be mindful of your
overall goal. By being aware of this, you
can help the children to settle.
Try it!
As well as applying these ideas in larger
group sessions and play dates, try these
ideas out at home and your own children
will be working well together, getting on
with activities, encouraging each other,
sharing and respecting each other in no
time.
These simple ideas are valuable
because they give each child the
tools to communicate appropriately
with others, which in turn helps them
establish relationships, make friends, build
confidence and grow self-esteem.
March 2016
25
